Tantrums

Hi, it sounds like you're finding your little boys tantrums hard to deal with, and you really want to find a solution to help. It seems that everyone has different ways of dealing with tantrums, so I can offer you my personal point of view as a mother of four, ex-paediatric nurse, and Relax KIds Coach. A tantrum may happen when a child becomes overwhelmed with their emotions. They don't always come from a place of anger or frustration. It could be from over excitement, tiredness, or a feeling of injustice such as a toy being taken away. If you can identify what your sons triggers for his tantrums are it can help you to identify when they are likely to occur before they happen. There may be some situations where you can jump in when you see the signs of the tantrum beginning and stop them in their tracks by changing the situation if appropriate, or with some distraction or positive words, maybe even a laugh - it can be a fantastic distraction to a child when their parent suddenly bursts in to laughter! Distraction can be very difficult to do with some children. When he is having a tantrum I would suggest that you encourage him to release his emotion with his voice or noise, but try to keep his movements to a minimum, using a strong hug or just a gentle hand on his shoulder or back. Stay with him. Use soothing words if you can but let him vent his emotions. What he needs is language, words, vocabulary to explain how he is feeling. His feelings are always valid, whatever they may be and giving him the words to explain them will begin to help him to express himself with verbal communication. When he can begin to express himself better he will need to tantrum less. The Relax Kids mood cards are a great resource. We've used them in our house since my children were tiny, alongside the Star cards. They give us vocabulary for feelings and emotions which even little ones can begin to use to describe how they are feeling. They can be played with in all sorts of ways. I really recommend them highly. I hope you keep in touch with how you're getting on, Best wishes, Sarah

This is from Sharon - one of our Relax Kids coaches It is really difficult to offer an answer without visually assessing the episodes. Many raging tantrums are often set by triggers. These are often linked to situations where a child feels a loss of control, scared, confusion and frustration at not being able to accomplish something that in their mind they believe they can do. An example would be a child who has exceptional speech capabilities but struggles with coordination. They may seek independence but are not being allowed to try for themselves. It could help to learn these triggers and pre-empt them by giving warnings of what is about or will happen. If it is a sharing or social issue then again plenty of practice and story telling of what it is expected will help. When your child is in a rage no amount of reasoning will help at that moment. You need to take your child to a safe space for themselves as well as others and allow them to burst there own bubble and eventually calm down. After you need to explain in child language that the behaviour was not acceptable and a consequence is needed. It should not get this far is you learn to read your child's body language and behaviour. Make sure they are not over tired. Keep to tight boundaries which they know and recognise and if all this does not help then speak to your GP or health visitor you may need further help.