anger management

Anger is one of the most powerful of emotions and as such is really an important one to learn to manage independently from an early age. At four we move into a world of semi-independence, learning negotiation, sharing and a host of other things. It can be overwhelming and developmentally it is now that we are just beginning to learn ways to express and manage emotion. Stay calm and keep him safe. Anger at this age takes two forms. Distress and controlling You will know when your child is distressed and these are the times to use techniques such distraction, limit choices and in this situation time out is definitely inappropriate. Even though he seems to worsen when you are calm and comforting persevere he is looking to you for reassurance and pushing you to the limit so he KNOWS he is safe. In controlling tantrums even young children will be able to articulate demands; even if just to say No! In this instance dont negotiate or argue. These are the tantrums that have to be 'ignored'. Pay no attention to the demands and, having ensured it is safe to do so (scatter cushions are named scatter for a good reason!) give a clear firm but calm no and move away. Make sure that as soon as he calms you are quick to move in and move on to something else. Children who are rewarded in rage (and any attention is reward) will continue to use it to control as they grow. Rage can become a personality trait that is then hard to change. Please dont be alarmed by the response to your calmness he is testing you and your reaction is giving a huge message of reassurance. Your acceptance and calm response let him know you are not going to be controlled by rage. He will then begin to be able to articulate and develop more appropriate ways to deal with this challenging but perfectly natural emotion.